Okay, Scratch That
November 21st, 2020
Yeah, well, gonna give up on the futility of my regurgitating my handwritten journals. The point of my looking to do so, was to just give a backstory, context, to me, my life, to put me, now, my life, now, in perspective, so as to aid in figuring out how to move forward.
It’s just not gonna happen. As have stated previously, I have seven handwritten journals spanning almost two decades… and all I have been able to accomplish right now, is two entries from the very first one… and, had like two dozen more bookmarked alone from that first journal, let alone the bloody six other journals to get to! Not going to continue to waste my time and put things on hold, to just swim around in the past.
So, am gonna abandon that whole exercise, and just focus on the here and now, and straight to how to move forward. I’ll probably continue revisiting those old handwritten journals for a little recollecting insight… but, will just leave that for myself, and not carry it over here to the website.
Because, I am a mess. I need to focus on the present, the now, for that is all that exists and matters… and as I said, I am a mess… okay, well, not really… but, I do need to focus and start getting my butt in gear with figuring out something.
The money-job I got and took a couple months from resurfacing from my journey of gallivanting about the countryside in a van, I up and got fed up with, and left two weeks ago yesterday. I did have another money-job lined up, that I started the following monday… but, also up and left last friday. So, am currently unemployed. In the middle of a pandemic.
I’m okay financially until sometime in January, and even if I am skimp, and live lean enough, allowing me to be able to make it through January, until I get my tax refund, then, possibly being fine through February… not exactly what I had wanted to do with those saved up funds… had been looking forward to finally being able to upgrade my eight year old laptop here, as it is showing it’s age and being hindering in some ways… but, since I have no clue as to what I want to do, will now use those savings funds to at least bide me some time until maybe I can pull my head out of my ass enough to figure something out.
Thus, the giving up on the whole handwritten, mucking around in the past… the past is the past, Jeffrey, need to focus in on the here and now, son. I already have entirely too many distractions doing their little distracting jobs all too well, for me to add to the list… I need to weed those all out, so I can get to the root core of me, who I am, what I want, what I need, to do.
So, that is that. And what it is I will be working on… on top of keeping an eye out for some other money-job to pay the bills.
Meanwhile, went out a couple days ago, because we had a very Global Warmingly mid-November day of reaching the 70’s (20’s C), so went out and did a little shooting
From previous years of living back here in this area, I have still exhausted out anything else to shoot, that I already haven’t in the past… can’t just emphasize enough again, just how much I cannot, and do not like living back here, and my absolute desire to not want to be and live here, and my finding absolutely nothing worthwhile for me here.
So, wanting to go out and shoot, but not having the slightest idea’r as to where to go to do so, and what the hell to shoot… just for some reason settled on going to this park along the river, in the landing pattern of planes coming into the airport, where they fly above pretty low in their descent to landing. So, was just thinking of maybe trying to get like a dramatic shot of a plane low, and in the frame, to something in the foreground… this was the only one that somewhat worked out, though not exactly at all what I was envisioning.
It turned out being a little neat though, that for this particular shot I took, with me in it, just happened to be a Delta flight that was landing, and my eldest niece happens to be a Flight Attendant for them… so, at least is a fun image I can share with her.
As I was heading to another location as a potential foreground area for the landing plane shot, I passed the convention center that has this little scattering of statues out in front of it, so pulled over and grabbed some shots from there… this turned out to be the one I liked the best… of just this swaddling bundle of an article of clothing tucked in between these structures… the way the light fell, etc.
So, that is it.
I may tomorrow, replace the Journal entries I had gotten up so far, remove those, and replace them with an entry I mentioned I had been thinking of writing and posting a month or so ago… use that as a starting point to figuring out where, what, and how to move forward from here.
So, that’s the latest for now.
Wishing you well, and all the best to you.